aiuto per inglese

Ciao, quest'anno ho l'esame di terza media e chiedevo se potete aiutarmi a correggere la tesina di inglese visto che non sono bravo.
Testo:

Hong Kong
Hong Kong is a special administrative regions of the People’s Republic China.

Territory & Climate
Hong Kong is located on China’s south coast, borders the People’s Republic of China and the South China Sea
The territory is mostly hilly.
The climate of Hong Kong climate is sub-tropical.

Story
The history of Hong Kong is linked to the history of the Republic of China and the history of Britain because on 20 January 1841, Hong Kong became British.
On 1 July 1997 return Chinese and became the first special administrative region.

The Population
The Hong Kong’s Population is 7.055.071 and have a density of 6.480/km2, it’s one of the highest density in the world after Principality of Monaco, Macao and Singapore.
About 95% of the people which live in Hong Kong are of Chinese descent, the remaining 5% of the population is composed of non-ethnic Chinese.

Language & Currency
The Hong Kong’s official languages are Cantonese, English and traditional English.
The currency that is used the Hong Kong Dollar.

ecco cosa correggerei io:

Hong Kong
Hong Kong is a special administrative region (la "s" va tolta, è al singolare) of the People’s Republic of China.

Territory & Climate
Hong Kong is located on China’s south coast, borders the People’s Republic of China and the South China Sea
The territory is mostly hilly.
The climate of Hong Kong climate is sub-tropical. (io cambierei la struttura della frase: Hong Kong's climate is sub-tropical)

History
The history of Hong Kong is linked to the history of the Republic of China and the one (in questo modo si evita la ripetizione di "history") of Britain, because on 20 January 1841, Hong Kong became a colony British. (controlla qui per vedere cosa realmente intendi)
On 1 July 1997, Hong Kong (non dimenticare il soggetto) became Chinese again and it was the first special administrative region.

The Population
The Hong Kong’s Population is about 7.055.071 and has a density of 6.480 people/km2; it’s one of the highest density in the world after Principality of Monaco, Macao and Singapore.
Nearly the 95% of the people who live in Hong Kong are of Chinese descent, the remaining 5% of the population is composed of non-ethnic Chinese.

Language & Currency
The Hong Kong’s official languages are Cantonese, English and traditional English. (cosa vogliono dire questi "due inglesi"??)
The currency used is the Hong Kong Dollar.

controlla,


Hong Kong
Hong Kong is a special administrative region of the People’s Republic China.

Territory & Climate
Hong Kong is located on China’s south coast, borders the People’s Republic of China and the South China Sea
The territory is mostly hilly.
Hong Kong’s climate is sub-tropical.

History
The history of Hong Kong is linked to the history of the Republic of China and the one of Britain.
On 20 January 1841, Hong Kong became British because China lose the Opium War.
On 1 July 1997, Hong Kong return Chinese and became the first special administrative region.

The Population
The Hong Kong’s Population is about 7.055.071 and has a density of 6.480/km2, it’s one of the highest density in the world after Principality of Monaco, Macao and Singapore.
Nearly the 95% of the people which live in Hong Kong are of Chinese descent, the remaining 5% of the population is composed of non-ethnic Chinese.

Language & Currency
The Hong Kong’s official languages are Cantonese, English and traditional Chinese.
The currency that used is the Hong Kong Dollar.

Frasi brevi e semplici; soggetto, predicato e complemento...

Quote:

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The Hong Kong’s Population is about 7.055.071 and has a density of 6.480/km2, it’s one of the highest density in the world after Principality of Monaco, Macao and Singapore.
Nearly the 95% of the people which live in Hong Kong are of Chinese descent, the remaining 5% of the population is composed of non-ethnic Chinese.

---

Troppo lunghette queste... la prima metterei un bel punto dopo la densità; la seconda la accorcerei proprio...

Hong Kong
Hong Kong is a special administrative region of the People’s Republic of China.
( 'of' è una parte integrante del nome, dimenticarlo potrebbe darti delle penalità )

Territory & Climate
Hong Kong is located on China’s south coast, borders the People’s Republic of China and the South China Sea.
Hong Kong’s climate is sub-tropical and its territory is mostly hilly.
( cambiando il costrutto della frase è più lineare e meno pesante )

History
The history of Hong Kong is strictly connected to Republic of China's and Britain's past.
(anche qui era da cambiare il costrutto della frase, non complicarti la vita con forme complesse e ripetitive, l'inglese è molto più diretto!)
On 20 January 1841, Hong Kong became a British colony after China lost the First Opium War.
On 1 July 1997, Hong Kong returned Chinese again and became the first special administrative region.
( stai attento ai tempi verbali: nella stessa frase salti dal passato remoto al tempo presente! )

The Population
Hong Kong's Population is about 7.055.071 and has a density of 6.480/km2. It’s one of the highest density in the world after Principality of Monaco, Macao and Singapore.
( quando usi il genitivo sassone - 's - l'articolo determinativo 'the' è di troppo )
Nearly the 95% of the people who live in Hong Kong are of Chinese descent, the remaining 5% of the population is composed of non-ethnic Chinese.
( which indica 'un qualcuno o qualcosa' in particolare; esempio: which books? - quali libri? )

Language & Currency
Hong Kong’s official languages are Cantonese, English and traditional Chinese.
Its national currency is the Hong Kong Dollar.
( anche qui, semplifica la frase, risulta più scorrevole e meno 'tradotta letteralmente' )

un piccolo appunto: secondo me la parte relativa alla storia è proprio un po' da riscrivere in toto, è molto 'gironzolata' e in alcuni punti i concetti non sono chiari. spero di esserti stata comunque utile! :)